Betwixt and Between

As I start to contemplate returning to the U.S., I have mixed feelings about leaving Bali.

We are having a wonderful year here.  So rich, so full of new adventures, new places, new friends, a new way of living.  It has been an exhilarating change from our routine back in DC.

We just returned from an afternoon playing in the surf on a huge beach, where we were joined by a classmate of Alexa's and the classmate's mom.  Alexa went home with them to a sleep-over, and then Lynn, Charlotte and I had dinner at a fabulous restaurant overlooking the beach where we watched the sun set over the ocean.  Then we relaxed in the car as our driver drove us the hour or so back home.  This is a typical weekend day in Bali.  It won't be the same back in DC.

Many of the Green School families who started when we did, with the expectation of staying six-months to a year, have found that they love life in Bali and have decided to commit long-term.  They are selling their homes abroad, signing long-term leases, or even buying land and starting to build, and looking for a way to be productive and earn a living here in Bali.

Staying in Bali long-term is a real option for us as well.  But I don't feel ready to make that plunge.  It makes me wonder why so many of our friends here see Bali as a wonderful place to live and full of so many opportunities, and what is holding me back from seeing it the same way.

It may be that I haven't put down enough roots here yet.  Partly it may be because I am often busy with work, spending all day at home on the computer, some days not venturing outside the house. Partly it may be that I still feel like a visitor here, a tourist, knowing that I will never be a part of Balinese culture, nor do I want to be a Balinese Hindu.  Partly it may be that I haven't made strong friends with the other expats here.  Largely thanks to Lynn we have a large social network here of simpatico people that we like a lot.  But in part due to work, and in part because I knew we were heading back, and also due to my reserved personality, I haven't committed fully to the social opportunities here.

I also hesitate to commit long-term to Bali because I fear for the future of Bali.  Bali faces many serious challenges that it is ill-equipped to deal with.  The Balinese government is in large part corrupt, short-sighted, tradition bound, with power highly decentralized in tiny villages so even if the government wanted to take effective action it doesn't have the power.

Bali faces the challenges of development and growth largely brought on by the influx of tourists and expats.  I can't think of any other place in the world that is so underdeveloped and yet attracts so many expats.  Its narrow roads are clogged, its trash collection inadequate, its recycling largely non-existent.  It faces power shortages and clean water shortages.  The rice paddies are being gobbled up by rampant development turning charming villages into concrete monstrosities.  The education system is inadequate and archaic, preparing most people only to work in the hospitality industry, serving tourists and expats, and, with rare exceptions, not with the skills to build medium or large businesses themselves.

The biggest challenge will be whether the Balinese can maintain their culture in the face of so much exposure to Westerners and to Western attitudes and beliefs.  Maintaining the ceremonial rituals is exceedingly labor-intensive, and requires a huge time commitment from the entire village.  The bonds that keep the culture going are quite strong.  But if enough young Balinese say 'what's the point?' and are lured to a Western lifestyle, the culture will fall apart.

Staying here long-term as an expat means that I am part of the problem.  I am contributing to the proliferation of Western style villas, to consuming too much electricity and producing too much trash.  Many expats make a positive contribution to the local Balinese -- starting recycling businesses, teaching better agricultural methods, improving health care, contributing to education initiatives, starting or supporting foundations.  If we stayed, I would try to make a positive contribution.  But addressing the unmet social needs in Bali is a huge undertaking, and to take that on in a serious way requires dedication and a huge commitment.  My goal in coming to Bali is not to bang my head against a corrupt local bureaucracy trying to advocate for needed change.

I would hate to commit long-term to Bali only to witness the gradual destruction of this beautiful island and the transformation of the good-natured, tolerant Balinese into impatient, jaded money grubbers and status seekers.

Perhaps this is an overly pessimistic view, and I certainly hope so.  Even if this vision of the future is unfortunately accurate, it will take many, many years to play itself out, and there are many good years left.

One of the charms of Bali is to see first-hand a people fashion happiness out of different ingredients than we turn to in the West.  It becomes obvious that attitude and expectation determine happiness. Balinese expect to work hard and not to have much material wealth.  They don't expect fame, a high-powered job, lots of money, or plenty of time for recreation and entertainment.  If happiness is having one's expectations met, then not expecting much is a good starting point for a happy life.

It makes one think to see an island full of people living lives that on the whole would make a Westerner utterly miserable, and to see the Balinese be genuinely in good spirits, relaxed, cheerful, quick to laugh and to relish life's joys.

It helps that the Balinese standard of living is steadily improving from a material sense, even though it is still quite low by Western standards  There is a sense of optimism here that comes from new opportunities in the service sector that free the Balinese from back-breaking manual labor, and from higher wages that allow some to pay for motorbikes, or even cars, nicer houses, big TVs, and other modern conveniences.

It is going to be difficult to leave a place of such natural beauty where people are generally content with the little they have and are looking forward to a better future.

It will be a shock to return to a large metropolis within a country that despite having so much is so discontent and that is facing a future that looks bleaker than its past.  It will be a challenge to reenter a society that is bitterly divided, and immersed in struggles with unsustainable budget deficits, high unemployment, indebted students without jobs, destitute seniors without retirements, overextended consumers facing bankruptcy, a broken education system, global warming, and a world filled with billions of people who hate us.  We have many disgruntled people with high expectations wondering who else is to blame for the fix we find ourselves in, bewildered about how a country with such an elevated sense of itself got into such a mess.

Yet I hold out more hope for America than I do for Bali.  Living in Bali, I've gained more appreciation for America's civic institutions.  America has the neighborhood committees, the social activists, excellent colleges and universities, regulations that protect safety, an impartial judiciary, a government where corruption is the exception not the norm, the occasional dedicated mayor, and a diversity of opinions that enable America to face its challenges.  Bali is facing serious challenges that it has never had to face before and may not have the ability to deal with them successfully.

I find myself torn -- attached now to both Bali and America -- but wondering how to best build a happy life in either place.